


a new feel

by cecropia



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: !!!, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Awkward First Times, Banter, Consent, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, One Shot, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Slice of Life, Teasing, ayyy, can't write porn without it, everyone's 18, locking this again for registered users because i am scare, unless...?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21592231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecropia/pseuds/cecropia
Summary: If Connor were to actually see this through, Evan’s not sure he could handle Connor’s reaction to actually seeing his o-face and hearing his noises and then, logistically, Evan’s just going to have his fucking dick out afterwards, like— what do they even do after it happens? Will Connor leave? Is there some sort of secret blow job protocol that Evan’s supposed to follow or something? Is there a fucking rule book?(Or: A series of firsts in no chronological order whatsoever.)
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 22
Kudos: 140





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi friends, it's been a minute  
here's uh..... this!!! that i wrote instead of sleeping and also instead of writing SMFM, i know, i'm a slacker  
title is from thinkin' bout you by frank ocean, if u get my TGWDLM reference ily  
tw's for um... porn. that's it.  
enjoy!!! <3333 let me know what u think!
> 
> come talk to me! c-e-c-r-o-p-i-a on tumblr :-)  


Evan could argue that most guys his age wouldn’t ever turn down a blow job. Like, given the right circumstances, he’s pretty sure that anyone with a penis in he and Connor’s grade would be all for a blowjob, especially with the given knowledge that said person’s mom isn’t going to be home for the next couple of hours. He’s pretty sure Connor would also jump at the opportunity if— _ when— _ Evan offers him one someday. 

Evan shivers just thinking about it. 

Connor stretching tall above him, panting down at Evan with hooded eyes, hair falling in his face. He’d have his shirt lifted just a bit so Evan could see his prominent hip bones, jeans resting around his thighs, and he’d tangle his hands in Evan’s hair and tip his head back, exposing the underside of his jaw as Evan leaned forward, taking Connor into his mouth—

He’s taken from his thoughts with a strangled cough when Connor clears his throat. Evan’s face feels like it’s on fire. 

“You’re not saying anything.”

Presently, Connor’s watching him from where he’s sat in front of Evan, sitting criss-cross with both very warm palms resting on Evan’s knees. Connor’s just studying him, a tiny little furrow between his brows when Evan glances away for just a second. 

“I’m— sorry, I was—“ Evan cuts himself off with a frustrated sigh. Connor’s grip tightens on his knees and he shuts his eyes tight, smiling bitterly and huffing a strained laugh.

“Did I fuck it up already?”

Connor sounds absolutely miserable. Vulnerable. 

It makes Evan’s heart break. 

“No, you— you definitely didn’t, I just.”

He _ just_. 

How’s he supposed to tell Connor that no matter how fucking badly he wants this— and he wants it so, _ so _ badly— his brain probably won’t let him enjoy it?

He’s… fucking scared, if he’s being honest. 

Firstly, this is the first blow job that Evan Hansen will ever receive. In his entire life. And if Jared Kleinman has been telling the truth (which Evan highly doubts but still considers truth in his anxious thoughts) then Evan’s seriously behind. He’s, like, _ miles _ behind other people his age. Jared got his first kiss in _ middle school_. 

Granted, it wasn’t a two-person decision and the girl ran away from him afterward, but he had still _ kissed _ someone. And Evan hadn’t.

Until Connor, that is. In his senior year of high school.

Evan’s always chalked it up to his personality. And his appearance. And his entire being, really. 

Second, Connor’s made it clear that he’s had more than one sexual relationship before being with Evan. Like, Connor’s _ experienced_. A part of Evan is grateful for that, because he most likely knows what he’s doing, but the other half is terrified that he’s never going to be able to compete with the other people that Connor’s been with. That he just… won’t be as _ good_. And then Connor will realize how much of a lost cause Evan really is, and he’ll leave. 

And lastly, Evan sort of… always feels really weird when he _ finishes_. Sort of ashamed, in a way. Like it’s wrong for him to feel any sort of pleasure. Like he doesn’t deserve it. And as much as he tries to be quiet, it always ends with a choked-off whine that he just can’t hold back, and honestly? It’s not attractive. Like… if Connor were to actually see this through, Evan’s not sure he could handle Connor’s reaction to actually seeing his o-face and hearing his _ noises _ and then, logistically, Evan’s just going to have his fucking dick out afterwards, like— what do they even do after it happens? Will Connor leave? Is there some sort of secret blow job protocol that Evan’s supposed to follow or something? Is there a fucking _ rule book_?

“Evan,” Connor says softly, concerned at his silence, “You can say no. I won’t be mad.”

Evan groans, dropping his face into his hands. “It’s just— I really, _ really _ fucking want this, Connor, you don’t— you don’t understand how much I want— but— but I just… it’s…”

Evan looks up, briefly meeting Connor’s eyes before dropping his gaze to his fidgeting hands. He purses his lips, picking at a hangnail. “It’s… easier to explain if you’re not looking at me. Can I, like… hug you, or something?”

Connor’s quiet for just a second. Evan pulls his bottom lip into his mouth.

“Uh— _ yeah_, I mean, like— of course. Yeah.”

And then Connor’s leaning back against Evan’s pillows, arms open for Evan to crawl into, and because Connor’s just trying to exist as someone with a penis his legs are parted and Evan tries so hard not to look, because his face is surely turning red and he’s absolutely _ not _ thinking about blowing Connor, he’s _ not_. 

He settles into Connor’s side, wrapping an arm around his bony torso and letting his cheek rest on Connor’s shoulder. Connor lets out a content sigh.

“Okay, spill.”

Evan almost chokes. 

He wonders if Connor chose that particular phrasing on purpose. 

“Um… so…” Evan hesitates for a second, tensing up his hands as if he’s about to brace for impact. 

“If you say that you’re worried ‘cause I’ve had sex before I swear to god, Evan—“

“_ No_, I’m— I—“

Connor cuts him off, and Evan can see every movement of his jaw and his neck when he talks. “Because we’ve talked about this, and I’ve already told you that you’re, like, way fucking better than my exes in every single department. And I’ve _ also _ already told you that I don’t care if you’re not ready for sex stuff yet, so. Fuck off with that shit.”

Evan bites back a self-indulgent grin. 

“No, I’m. Um. I kind of… I’m worried about, like… my face. And how it’s gonna look when I, um…”

“Hot,” Connor says simply, lazily combing through Evan’s hair with his fingers. 

“Um— what was that, I didn’t— I don’t think I heard you right—“

“_Hot_,” Connor says again, entwining their fingers and resting their clasped hands on his chest. “That’s how you’re gonna look. So. What else are you worried about?”

Evan swallows the giddy laughter bubbling in his throat at Connor’s nonchalance. 

“Okay, um… I’m worried about how I’ll… y’know. How I’ll… _ sound_.” He laughs a nervous laugh.

Connor hums low in his throat. It makes Evan’s stomach drop with anticipation, the tone and the way his Adam’s apple bobs right where Evan can see it. “Please refer to my last answer. Next worry.”

“Um…” Evan stops to gather himself before he lets out a giggle. “I’m worried that, like… I’m gonna do something— something _ wrong_, or—“

“You know you’re not gonna be the one _ giving _ the blow job, right?”

Evan’s face reddens. He buries it in the crook of Connor’s neck. “I _ know_, but...”

“Like… all you gotta do is sit there.” Connor rests his chin on Evan’s head, and Evan can hear the smile in his voice. It gets softer when he speaks next. “Plus, I’ll, like… tell you if I don’t like anything. But you gotta do the same for me, alright? You gotta tell me if something’s not working, or if something doesn’t feel right, or, like… if something _ is _ working,” Connor says lowly, and Evan’s face feels like it’s being split in half when he smiles. “_Especially... _ if something’s working.”

“Connor, Jesus,” Evan giggles breathlessly, and Connor lets go of their clasped hands and turns to wrap an arm around Evan’s torso. 

“I just… really wanna make you feel good,” Connor says quietly, muffled where his face is buried in Evan’s hair. 

Fuck. 

Evan lets out a strangled breath disguised as a laugh against Connor’s bony shoulder. 

“Okay,” He agrees breathlessly, actually holding back laughter now because this whole thing has started to make him feel sort of giddy. 

He can’t believe he’s agreeing to this.

He can’t believe that it’s going to be happening within the next five to ten _ minutes _.

He feels kind of dizzy.

“Okay?” Connor asks, craning his neck so he can see part of Evan’s face. 

“Um— yeah. Yes. Okay.”

Connor leans back further, looking Evan in the eyes. And he looks fucking _ excited_. To do something that’s really only beneficial to _ Evan_. 

Evan holds back a shiver.

And then Connor rolls on top of him, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips and pushing back enough for his face to come into focus. 

“You can back out at any time, y’know. Like… you don’t have to agree just because I, like… seem excited, or whatever, y’know?”

Evan cracks a smile. Connor’s nervous tick, his constant _ y’know _, is one of Evan’s favorite things. It took him a second to catch on to what it was and when it happened, but once he actually started noticing it his affection for Connor grew tenfold. 

“I know,” Evan tells him, holding back his smirk at his own personal inside joke.

Connor bites his lip, scrunches up his eyes in a smile. “Okay. So… we’re doing this? Like… you actually want to do this? With _ me_?”

“_Connor—_”

“I’m just _ checking_, alright? I don’t want to, like, pressure you into something you don’t wanna do just because your anxiety is telling you that since _ I _ wanna do it that means _ you _ should—”

Evan groans, throws an arm over his face and speaks all in one breath. 

_ “Connor I swear to god if we don’t move this along I’m gonna get too scared and back out because of my anxiety and neither of us want that okay so let’s just do this before I change my mind.” _He peeks out at Connor from under his arm.

Connor lets out a nervous breath, relaxing his shoulders and the crease between his brows. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

Connor licks his lips. 

A few moments of awkward silence. 

“Can I… unbutton your jeans...?”

Evan snorts, closes his eyes and puts both hands over his increasingly warm cheeks. “This is so weird and, and— _ tense_, I dunno.”

Connor groans. Evan can hear the smile in his voice when he speaks. “I know. Fuck.”

Evan huffs a breath. “Will you just—“ He lays both arms out flat beside him. And since he can feel Connor’s intense gaze, the patterns on the ceiling become very interesting all of a sudden. “Will you just _ kiss _ me? Can we— can we start there?”

“Uh, _ yeah_. Definitely.”

And he lets his eyes flutter half-shut when Connor climbs further on top of him, grinning down at him before leaning in close and letting their lips brush. 

“Like this?”

Evan doesn’t even think about it before he grabs both sides of Connor’s face in his hands, muttering out a half-hearted, “Shut up, oh my god,” and bringing Connor’s lips to his. 

The kiss is slow, at first. Timid, almost, like this moment is so fragile that they’re both too afraid to take it any further. Connor’s hovering above him, bracing himself on his knees and elbows, and Evan’s hands slip into Connor’s hair, tangling at the roots. 

Connor breaks away to gasp softly against his lips when Evan’s hands nestle there, snug. 

So Evan nudges him forward again, tilting his head to the side, and when they kiss this time Evan almost groans because Connor seems to respond to the change in angle, grazing teeth over Evan’s bottom lip. 

Which is fucking _ hot _. 

And, embarrassingly enough, he already feels that familiar stirring sensation in his abdomen, feels himself getting hard already from just _ kissing _ Connor and the idea that pretty soon, Connor’s head is going to be between his legs and he _ definitely _ can’t linger on that train of thought for too long. He shifts his hips to the side like he’s adjusting his position in the hopes that he’ll feel something, _ anything _ that relieves this pressure even the tiniest bit, but since Connor’s hovering over him in the way that he is he just. Ends up bumping Connor’s thigh with his hip. 

Connor makes a soft, breathy laughing sound when their lips briefly disconnect and Evan’s so overwhelmed with the feeling of Connor’s _ mouth _ and the fact that Connor’s _ not fucking touching him yet _ that he makes one right back, a barely-there whine in the back of his throat. 

“‘M getting there, fuck,” Connor mumbles against his mouth, and Evan doesn’t even have to open his eyes because he hears Connor’s smile, feels it when Connor tries to kiss him again but just ends up bumping their lips together. Evan decides to be spontaneous in that moment, just on a whim, and tries that thing that Connor did to him earlier when his teeth barely scraped over Evan’s lip, but he ends up biting a little harder than he probably should into Connor’s bottom lip and it’s a little red when Connor pulls back, pupils blown, panting. 

“Fuck,” Connor breathes out. He swallows hard. “You’re— _ fuck _. Can I touch you?”

Evan’s back arches, hips rolling forward into nothing. He tightens his grip in Connor’s hair. “Please.”

Connor makes a sound of agreement, biting down on his lip and keeping his eyes locked on Evan. Evan actually groans when it hits him that Connor’s chasing the feeling that Evan gave him just moments prior. 

And Evan watches as Connor reaches down in between his own thighs, letting his eyes fall shut when he feels Connor palming him through his fucking jeans, hair tickling Evan’s jaw when Connor’s forehead falls to rest on his shoulder. He pushes slightly up into the feeling of Connor’s hand on him, rubbing slow, warm circles against him and letting his open mouth rest against Evan’s neck. His hot, panting breaths on Evan’s skin cause a full-body shiver to roll through him, and he hears Connor fucking _ laugh _ and press a kiss against his neck. 

And then Connor’s slipping his hand underneath the waistband of Evan’s jeans, fingertips catching on the elastic of his underwear and Evan holds back a whine when Connor squeezes his dick lightly through the thin material. 

“Can’t believe I finally get to use my mouth on you,” Connor exhales, low voice scratchy with lust. He presses an open-mouthed kiss against Evan’s collarbone. 

“_Ohmygod_,” Evan pants, the sentence rushing out of him as his eyes roll back in his head. He’s afraid he’s pulling too hard at Connor’s hair, or that he will be very very soon, so his hands slide down the back of Connor’s neck and fist into the material of his hoodie. 

“God, those fucking _ noises… _ ” Connor makes a little sound of contentment in the back of his throat. “Stop holding back. Wanna hear you,” Connor breathes against his neck, “‘S _ so _ fucking hot.”

And then Connor’s hand slides up just a little, _ finally _ dipping down beneath Evan’s underwear and the feeling of Connor’s warm hand enclosing on his dick is enough for an embarrassing, impatient moan to fall from his lips. 

Connor mumbles something along the lines of _ goddammit, Evan _ under his breath, mouthing along Evan’s jaw and pumping his hand up Evan’s dick, grazing his teeth over his skin as he slowly drags his hand back down. 

And like, okay, fuck blowjobs. If this is all Evan got for the rest of eternity he’d be okay with it. 

Except Connor’s touching him agonizingly slow, so slow that he has no choice but to push up into Connor’s hand, Evan’s hands searching for something to hold on to and clenching and unclenching in Connor’s hoodie, pulling that and his shirt up so he can feel the warmth of Connor’s back against his palms. 

“Connor,” Evan begs, name leaving his mouth before he can even fully think about it. 

“_Shit_, okay,” Connor mutters right next to his ear. He plants one last kiss on the underside of Evan’s jaw. “I’ve got you.”

And then he’s gone, shuffling back on his knees and toying with the button of Evan’s jeans. His long hair falls right into his face, and he lifts a cheeky eyebrow at Evan for confirmation to continue.

“_Connor_,” He whines, because that’s all he seems to remember how to say. And then he remembers another word in the English language, suddenly. “Please.”

Connor grins, all flushed cheeks and hooded eyes, hair flopping over one whole side of his face as he ducks his head down to unbutton Evan’s pants. And Evan tugs at his own shirt, pulling it up past his hips because he’s just that desperate for this to move along. 

Connor fixes dark eyes on him. An awed smile pulls at the corners of his mouth. “You are so fucking incredible.”

And Evan’s not sure why that particular sentence sends reality crashing back in, but it does, and suddenly his heart is beating wildly in his chest and Connor’s unzipping his jeans, he’s yanking them down Evan’s legs and licking his lips and Evan’s about to get his first blowjob _ ever_. 

Like, right now. 

He doesn’t feel prepared. 

And he really, _ really _ doesn’t wanna fuck this up.

“Should I— I don’t— where should I put my, um— my hands?”

Embarrassment burns on his cheeks and he shuts his eyes for a long moment, opening them when he feels Connor pause, fingers tucked under the elastic of his underwear. 

“Wherever you want them,” Connor says cautiously, eyeing him with a furrow in his brow. He glances down at Evan’s hands. “You’re shaking.”

“Um—“ Evan swallows, sucking in a breath. He winds his hands into the sheets so his tremors aren’t as noticeable. “I just feel like, um— this is— it’s just happening so fast, and—“

Connor drops his hands, holding them up in surrender. “You didn’t tell me you were uncomfortable, I could’ve stopped— I should’ve been _ checking, god— _“

“_No_, I’m— Connor, look at me,” Evan says, reaching for Connor’s hands. He looks up at Evan through his hair, face ridden with guilt. “I meant— I _ definitely _ don’t wanna stop, I just… can we, like… slow it down? Like— like, could you, um— could you tell me what you’re doing as you… as you do it?”

Connor looks down, shakes his head like he’s trying to clear his mind. “Yeah— yes. Of course. Fuck.” He tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think—“

“I didn’t tell you,” Evan counters, shaking his head. 

“I should’ve _ known_,” Connor shoots back, both hands on Evan’s thighs. He slowly breathes out a sigh. 

“I didn’t tell you because— because I only started feeling weird, like, a minute ago. Literally. And, like— you’re the one who noticed I was acting weird. So. You didn’t— you didn’t do anything wrong.” He tries to communicate to Connor how much he means it through the pleading look in his eyes.

Connor looks up at him, lip pulled into his mouth. “You sure?”

Evan nods. “Yeah.”

Connor glances to the side. His ears are so red that it almost looks painful. “You still wanna, um…”

“Yes, _ god _ yes, just— just talk to me.”

“Can I kiss you?” Connor asks him softly, and Evan nods again, holding Connor’s cheeks and meeting him halfway. Connor’s hands push into the pillow beneath Evan’s head, lips grazing Evan’s before he presses a real kiss to Evan’s mouth. 

Kissing. Who would’ve thought it would become their reset button. 

“‘M sorry,” Connor mumbles, laughs bitterly. Evan lets their foreheads touch. 

“Don’t be,” Evan tries to say firmly, punctuating it with a kiss. He runs his hands through Connor’s hair. “I still want this, okay? Like… _ badly_.”

“How badly?” Connor asks softly, pulling back to rest on his side and tilting his head. Evan feels Connor’s fingertips graze his stomach, sees Connor’s gaze sweep over his whole entire body. 

He swallows. The awkward atmosphere that had built up disappears in a matter of seconds, like it hadn’t even happened, replaced by something anticipatory and warm. 

“Like— like, so badly you don’t even… I mean, you probably, um… you can probably tell how badly… um… since...”

Connor licks his lips. He ghosts his fingers over the bulge in Evan’s underwear and Evan silently curses himself for the audible gasp that escapes him at the feeling.

“Huh. I _ can _ tell.”

His tone of voice makes Evan breathless, suddenly, and Connor kisses him again, desperate and hot and their teeth bump together just once but neither of them seem to care that much. 

“Just say the word and I’ll stop,” Connor mumbles, searching his eyes. 

Evan nods vigorously, enough that Connor has to bite his lip to stop from laughing. 

“Okay. So…” Connor leans back, resting on one elbow. He slides his free hand down the length of Evan’s thighs, meets Evan’s eyes. “I’m gonna take your pants off first.”

“Okay,” Evan breathes, trying his best to sound as confident as he feels. 

Connor pulls his pants down the rest of the way, carefully peeling them off his legs and giggling along with Evan when his feet get stuck in the left leg and Evan has to kick his way out of them. They fall to the floor and Evan watches them go, sitting up on the pillow, propped up by his elbows so he can see everything. 

“Would you rather sit up?” Connor asks casually, climbing back up on him, knees on either side of Evan’s shins. 

“Um… would that… would it be, like— easier to, um…”

“To watch?” Connor smirks, licks his lips. “Yeah.”

Evan goes red, but he doesn’t back down. He swallows his apologies, swallows his _ unless that’s weird or something _ and sticks to his guns. “Okay, yeah, I’ll. I’ll do that.”

So Connor rises up on his knees, lets Evan shuffle backwards until he’s sitting up against the headboard, propped up by about three pillows so that he’s reclining comfortably but he also has an optimal view of Connor and his own body, which he doesn’t spend too long looking at because then he’s gonna start thinking Bad Things about himself and ruin everything. 

Connor’s palms land flat on his thighs again. 

“What about your shirt? It’s, um… not completely necessary to take it off, but… that part would just be for me, I guess.” The tiniest of smirks is playing on Connor’s lips. 

Evan glances down at himself and shudders at the mere nakedness of it all; and he’s not even naked, not yet, but he’s got his bare legs bent in front of him and there’s a damp spot on his underwear fucking _ already _ and he’s never really looked at himself like this before. Not this closely.

And his shirt is still pushed up, just enough so that the soft pudge of his belly is exposed and he takes in a shaky breath when the Bad Thoughts start to flow in, but then he looks up at Connor who’s raking those soft grey eyes down Evan’s body like he’s never seen anything more beautiful, face flushed, ears red, and. 

Fuck a shirt. 

“No shirt,” Evan decides, out loud, and almost regrets it when Connor blinks in surprise. 

“Hell yeah, okay,” Connor nods, and then Evan realizes that he actually has to go through with taking off his own shirt and he fumbles a bit but eventually he manages to wrestle it off of himself and place it gently on the bed next to him. 

He considers folding it, fleetingly, but then he thinks that it might be a little too much and decides against it. 

“Listen…” Connor starts, pulling at the hem of his hoodie and lifting it over his head. “I dunno if it’s, like, suddenly really hot in here for you, but…” He throws it onto the floor with Evan’s pants. “I’m sweating.”

Evan shivers when Connor’s gaze trails up his body and back down again, and once again, Evan’s reminded of how vulnerable he is right now. Connor, Evan quickly remembers, is very much wearing clothes. 

Evan thinks he should be wearing less clothes. 

“Pretty sure it’s, um— pretty sure it’s just you,” Evan retorts, mentally berating himself for stumbling over his words. “Like— you’re hot, is, is what I’m saying. Not, like— that you’re the only one who’s feeling warm. Because, you know, I’m also. Feeling warm. But you’re… _ hot_.”

Connor rolls his eyes, but he looks satisfied with Evan’s answer. “You can’t see yourself like I can, though.”

And, like. How is it that everything Connor says is so _ put together_? How does he think a thought and have it come out _ perfectly_?

Evan looks down, shutting his eyes tight and breathing a laugh. He shakes his head. “I feel like you need to be more naked.”

Connor lets a burst of air out through his nose. “Like I said before, you’re the one getting the blowjob, not me.”

Evan opens his eyes to see that Connor’s are sparkling with mirth. “I mean… I may be the only one getting a, um— but… that doesn’t mean you won’t get something in return.”

Connor’s mouth drops open the slightest bit. He blinks once, raises his eyebrows. 

Ha.

“And, like— I won’t wanna have to work that hard after I’ve, um. Yeah. To— to unbutton your pants and stuff, so. Might as well take them off now. And— and your shirt, y’know, just for— just for good measure.”

Connor narrows his eyes at him, runs his tongue across his teeth. 

“Smooth, Hansen.” And then he smiles, lifting his shirt over his head. Some hair falls in front of one of his eyes when he gets it all the way off. “You’re probably right.”

And then he’s leaning down to unbutton his own jeans and Evan’s mouth goes dry when his eyes are drawn to Connor’s broad shoulders and his fucking collarbones and when Connor manages to push his skinny jeans all the way off, throwing them unceremoniously on top of the other pile of their various clothing items, Evan’s eyes are drawn elsewhere. 

In his peripheral vision he sees Connor flip his hair out of his face, and then Connor’s laughing at him for staring but Evan’s never really had the opportunity to look for this long before. Usually when they’re together like this Evan’s face is buried in Connor’s neck or into a pillow or he’s got his eyes closed because Connor’s licking into his mouth like he’s something to be desired, so. No one can really blame him for staring. And when he looks a little closer, cheeks burning, he notices that Connor’s hard. 

Like. Incredibly so. 

Connor’s eyes are dark and hungry when they meet Evan’s again. “Am I naked enough for you now, or…?”

Evan shudders, warmth pooling in his stomach. “Um. Yep. You’re— yep.”

“Hair tie?” Connor asks, holding out his hand, and Evan needs a couple of seconds to regain his brain cells before he realizes that Connor’s asking him for the hair tie that Evan keeps on his wrist for him. So he hands it over, just watching as Connor pulls his hair back into a tiny bun on the back of his head. 

It’s hotter than it should be, the muscles working in his arms and his chest as he grins crookedly at Evan from under his lashes. Fuck. 

A couple of strands fall out alongside his ears and at his jaw, curling up, and Evan feels himself blushing because Connor’s so fucking hot and cute and beautiful and his hair is up because he’s going to put his sinful fucking _ mouth _ on Evan’s _ dick_. 

_ Fuck_. 

Connor leans forward just a little, shifting closer and holding Evan’s knees. “You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Evan responds shakily, swallowing, avoiding Connor’s eyes. 

“_Evan_.”

“_Yes_, I’m— I’m just a little nervous, that’s all. But. I’m good, I promise.”

“You promise?”

“Yes, I promise.”

Connor licks his lips. “Okay.” 

And then he scoots backward, kneeling with his goddamn ass in the air, resting on his elbows, and when he finally situates himself between Evan’s thighs, warm hands wrapping around Evan’s hips to keep him steady and long, slender fingers pressing into the skin, Evan’s breathing so hard that he hopes Connor’s not able to hear it. He glances down at Connor’s face that’s literally less than an inch away from his dick and he has to bite down hard on his lip so that he doesn’t make another embarrassing noise. 

And when their eyes meet again Connor must notice how hard he’s holding back everything, because he blinks at Evan and goes, “You can hold my hands if you want.”

Which is simultaneously the sweetest thing in the entire world and the most embarrassing. 

Nevertheless, Evan reaches down and laces his fingers through Connor’s, who runs his thumbs along the side of Evan’s hands. 

And then he’s mouthing at him through his underwear. 

And Evan’s first reaction is to just drop his mouth open at the sheer warmth of Connor’s mouth, gripping tightly onto Connor’s hands. He notices his own chest rising and falling beneath him, the skin there flushed this pretty pink color, and he has to admit that he kind of looks… good. Decent, at least, with his and Connor’s hands entwined and resting on his hips. 

And then Connor pulls back, eyes falling shut as he presses chaste kisses to Evan’s hips, his thighs, the crease where his thigh meets his groin— everywhere. And then the kisses get longer, deeper— Connor’s pulling him forward with his arms, hands still tangled with Evan’s, grazing teeth over his skin and making him shiver. 

“_Connor_,” Evan groans, complains, fully worked up at this point. When Connor goes to place another kiss on his belly it gets to be too much and his back arches, he pushes his hips up off the bed and whines when relief doesn’t come. 

“Fuck,” Connor exhales. 

And Connor’s definitely not joking around, because then he leans back with a lopsided smile, glancing up at Evan through his lashes before dragging Evan’s underwear down over his dick and letting it spring free. And Evan’s legs go limp and slump against the sheets when Connor leans in close, letting his lips brush gently over the crown of Evan’s dick, making eye contact the whole time, and he’s just. Speechless. 

At least, he thinks he’s speechless, until he finally tunes into what’s coming out of his mouth. 

Not speech, necessarily, but he’s panting these breathy whimpers that make him want to hide away in his arms or throw his head back so he doesn’t have to look at Connor who’s looking at him so intently, and then Connor narrows his eyes a bit, smiling wickedly before licking a fat stripe up the length of Evan’s dick. 

He thinks he actually might bruise Connor’s knuckles with how hard he grips his hands. 

“Oh my god, ohmy_god—_ _Connor—_“

“That feel good?” Connor asks him, teasing him, as if Evan would actually ever say _ no, Connor, it doesn’t_. And it almost feels so good that Evan can’t even form words anymore, so fucking good but at the same time it’s not enough, he wants _ more_.

“Please,” He begs, looking down at Connor and wetting his lips. 

Evan stops to take a deep breath in, and then as he breathes out Connor just. Takes him entirely into his mouth. One foul swoop. 

It feels like all the wind is knocked out of him, like the moan that spills from his lips is practically punched from his gut and he can’t even help the fact that it goes for way longer than it should, way louder than it should be, because Connor’s mouth is so fucking warm and _ wet _ and _ soft _ and he does this thing with his tongue that makes Evan’s eyes roll back in his head and he suddenly just doesn’t give a shit anymore. He’s squirming around too much to keep a hold of Connor’s hands, trying his best to keep his hips still so he doesn’t choke him or something, and Connor’s fingers press into the soft skin of his thighs, pulling Evan closer and digging in and Evan’s not sure what, but he needs to grab _ something _ or else he’s pretty sure he’s going to float away. 

So he settles for panting Connor’s name and twisting his fists into the sheets beside him, letting his head fall back with a clunk against the headboard because he just can’t look at Connor’s face, he can’t handle the image of Evan’s dick in his mouth and the way his eyelashes flutter when Evan accidentally pushes his hips forward—

And then, without any warning, Connor takes one hand previously on Evan’s thigh and adds it into the mix, reaching where Connor hasn’t. And so Evan shudders and he lets out yet another embarrassing sound, high and keening, his orgasm creeping up on him with every passing second. And then his own hands act before Evan can process it and he’s fisting them into the roots of Connor’s hair, tugging _ hard_. 

“Oh my _ god— _ Connor— _ fuck_, oh my god— I’m sorry, I just— _ god— _“

And then Evan feels a hand on top of one of his own, pressing his fingers further into the roots of Connor’s hair, and Connor’s looking up at him _ like that_, hooded eyes locked onto Evan’s, and it’s so fucking embarrassing but he feels so close already. 

But Connor just sinks down further, abandons the hand he was using; it disappears completely, but Evan doesn’t even have the time to think about that because when he looks back down, Connor shuts his eyes completely and makes a little noise in the back of his throat and Evan feels Connor’s nose brush his stomach and he feels like he’s actually about to fucking die. He’s gonna die here, dick in Connor’s mouth, because it feels _ so _ good and so much better than he’d ever expected, so much better than just Connor’s hands and definitely better than Evan’s own hands. It’s absolutely 100% over when Connor looks up at him blearily, blinking, eyes rolling back just a bit, and _ moans _ deep in his throat as Evan tugs on his hair. 

Because it sends the most delicious shock of vibration throughout Evan’s whole entire body, rippling waves of white-hot bliss, and before he can even warn Connor properly his orgasm hits him like a fucking tsunami and he’s coming right in Connor’s mouth, and Connor swallows around him and fucking _ moans _ the whole time, milking Evan for everything he’s worth. It feels like so long before it all stops, like it takes minutes for him to come down from this never-ending wave of pleasure he’s riding. 

When he eventually blinks open his eyes, glancing down at Connor, his cheek is pressed up against Evan’s hip. His lips are parted and he’s panting, eyelashes fanning across his cheeks, puffs of warm air hitting Evan’s stomach. And Evan’s just— constantly blown away by how pretty Connor is. 

And since he’s just come down from what’s got to be the best orgasm he’s ever had in his entire life, he decides to voice that. For some fucking reason. 

He runs his fingers through Connor’s damp hair. His voice comes out rough. “You’re so... pretty. You should… you should let me help you. I wanna touch you.”

When Connor glances up at him with sleepy eyes it’s almost like he’s been crying, but not really, licking his lips and giving Evan a blissed-out smile. “Um…” He shuts those pretty eyes and Evan’s only slightly disappointed. “I kind of… like. Already. Took care of that.”

Connor’s smiling hard, biting his lip, almost bashful. Evan’s never really seen him be _ bashful _ about something. 

And. 

Connor’s already _ taken care of that_. 

“You…?” Evan laughs, breathless. “When?”

Connor scrunches his face up in embarrassment. “Like… same time as you. It wasn’t _ difficult_, because… those fucking _ noises_, I mean…” Connor blinks at him. His eyes are so soft. “Fuck. Have you been holding back on me this whole time?”

“Um…” Evan looks to the side. “No?”

_ Yes_.

Connor raises an eyebrow slightly. 

“_Okay_, I mean— maybe? Yeah? I— I guess?”

Connor chews on his lip, sits up and sits cross-legged in front of Evan. Evan takes a moment to pull his underwear the rest of the way up his legs. “I’ve never, like… I didn’t even have to touch myself for that long, is the thing. You’re just…” Connor trails off, leans forward. “Incredible. Fucking incredible.”

Evan leans forward, face warming. He needs Connor to stop praising him before he actually implodes. Or before he gets so red in the face that he, like, passes out or something. “Kiss me.”

Connor laughs. “You came in my mouth, like, _ literally _ five minutes ago.”

“... Yeah, well. You— you swallowed it, right?”

Connor’s eyebrows about fly off of his forehead, eyes wide, but then his expression turns sinful and his eyes narrow. Evan’s stomach drops when Connor’s gaze falls to his lips. “Wow, I’m impressed. I had no idea you had such a dirty mouth.”

Evan averts his eyes. “You didn’t answer my question.”

Connor blinks at him, cocks his head. “Yes.”

“Okay, well. Kiss me, then.”

Connor purses his lips, and then braces himself with two hands on Evan’s shoulders before plopping down in his lap. Their chests are flush together, and Connor’s skin is so warm, and Connor’s sitting right on his dick which gives a little twitch in protest because it feels kind of good but at the same time he’s way too sensitive to be getting hard again already. 

“Okay,” Connor says, voice gravelly, and then they’re kissing, and it’s the best thing in the entire world. 

Connor pulls back all too soon, settles his chin on Evan’s shoulder and lets out a breath. His shoulders slump forward against Evan’s, and then Connor’s laughing. 

“What?” Evan asks, laughing, still slightly out of breath.

Connor winds his arms around Evan’s torso. “I’m just— I’m just so stupid,” He laughs, breathing warm against Evan’s skin. 

“What—? No you’re not.”

“No, but like— don’t laugh.”

“I... won’t?” Evan breathes, a slight upward inflection at the end. 

“Having a mental illness is so fucking weird, because like—” Connor chuckles. “My brain just tried to be like— ‘_but what if he didn’t actually like it? _’”

All the breath leaves Evan’s body in a whoosh of laughter, and then he’s clutching Connor to him and laughing and shaking his head and Connor’s laughing, too, and Connor bites down on Evan’s shoulder gently when he doesn’t stop.

“You’re laughing at me, you fucking asshole,” Connor says, voice cracking just a little bit. 

“_No_, I’m— I’m laughing at your dumb brain,” Evan offers affectionately, nuzzling against Connor’s neck. “That was, like… the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Oh, yeah?” Connor asks him sarcastically, turning his head. Evan plants a big fat kiss right on Connor’s jaw. 

“Yep. Like… actually the highlight of my whole entire life.”

Connor rolls his eyes. “‘Kay, I get it.”

“No, I’m serious. You might have just given me the best blowjob in the entire history of blowjobs.”

“Evan.”

“The… the epitome of oral. The absolute end-all be-all of fellatio.”

“You did _ not_.”

Connor’s lips touch his cheek, just resting there.

“It was… it was _ phenomenal _ head-giving. The— the _ apotheosis _ of—”

“Okay, _ Kleinman_. That’s enough.”

“Um— how dare you, actually— Jared would never have such a— such an _ extended _ vocabulary. I’m offended.”

“_You _ don’t even know what that word means.”

“Yeah, well.” Connor kisses his cheek and Evan grins. “Did I use it right?”

Connor smiles, dimples popping in the most lovely way. He rolls his eyes. “I _ guess_.”

Evan hums happily. He turns his head just a little and kisses Connor once, gently. Connor kisses him back, lingering just a bit. 

And then Evan’s looking into Connor’s eyes, so soft and kind and loving and beautiful. Connor gives him a gentle smile, glances around his face and pushes some hair off of his forehead. 

Connor’s _ beautiful_.

He blinks at Evan, licking his lips, and for just a second the moment is so fragile. He’s hit with how much Connor means to him and the fact that Connor was able to make him feel comfortable, to make him even kind of like himself just a little. To make him feel desired, like he deserves to be wanted and like he deserves to feel beautiful. 

Evan doesn’t linger on that for too long, though, because he’ll actually cry.

So, instead:

“I thought of another one,” Evan says quietly, holding back laughter.

“Jesus fucking _ Christ_.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan’s had a lot of embarrassing things happen to him throughout his lifetime, okay? That’s pretty obvious. He's an embarrassing person.
> 
> (Or: Evan and Connor have sex for the first time.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI HELLO *crawls out of the hole i've been in for a fuckin month  
this has been sitting unfinished in my drafts for months y'all don't even KNOW but um ya here it is  
love u guys, enjoy xx  
come talk to me! c-e-c-r-o-p-i-a on tumblr :-)  


Evan’s had a lot of embarrassing things happen to him throughout his lifetime, okay? That’s pretty obvious. He's an embarrassing person.

There was that one time at the sixth grade spelling bee where he spelled ‘occur’ as ‘o-c-c-a-r’. And like, he didn’t even _ mean _ to. He still has no idea why the ‘a’ even came out of his mouth because he _ knew _ it was supposed to be a ‘u’. And the look of pity on his mom’s face in the crowd was enough for him to literally never enter into another competition ever again, so. His brain never stops taunting him about that one. 

And that one time during freshman year when he was trying so hard to jog up the stairs like one of the cool kids (because he had a group of giggling sophomore girls behind him) that he tripped up the stairs, spilling his books all across the hallway of the top floor. And then the girls just stepped over him and giggled some more. 

Or another time freshman year when he couldn’t figure out why his stupid locker combination wouldn’t work no matter what he tried and he was too anxious to ask anyone roaming the halls for help so he just laid against the lockers and cried until the janitor found him. And then he had to walk into class late with red, puffy post-cry face. 

Freshman year was… freshman year wasn’t good for anyone, really. 

But none of that even comes close to the absolutely fucking _ mortifying _ situation he’s in right now, curled into a ball on his stupid bed, trying not to cry because for some reason he just can’t say it, he can’t ask him about this because it’s too embarrassing. And the worst part is that Connor’s just being so nice about it, so _ considerate _ despite the fact that Evan’s probably ruined everything anyway so it doesn’t even matter. 

It’s just a question. A suggestion, maybe. And like, if Connor said no, he wouldn’t be mean about it. It’s not like Connor would make fun of him.

At least, Connor would never make fun of him in a serious way. Sarcasm is his specialty, though. 

But it just really sucks because Connor’s sitting there obviously trying to hide his fucking hard-on and rubbing Evan’s back and whispering comforting words into his ear and shushing him instead of, like, having an orgasm or something like he deserves. 

He was gonna be bold, too. He was gonna march over to Connor’s house, suddenly gain confidence and acceptance of vulnerability, and… y’know. _ Ask_.

But then he just couldn’t, he couldn’t fucking say it and it’s not like it’s hard— just a couple of words, really, but Evan fucked that up too and now he’s almost crying and it’s not like he can ask him now after all _ this— _

“Hey,” Connor’s voice breaks through the wall of racing thoughts in Evan’s head. “Evan, look at me.”

Evan shakes his head where it rests on his knees, tightening his arms around his legs and tucking his head down so Connor can’t see him. “I _ ruined _ it,” He says miserably, voice muffled. 

“Oh, you did _ not_. Come on—“ Connor grabs both of Evan’s arms and Evan doesn’t fight him on it, he flops them to his sides and stares at his knees. Even they have freckles. 

“Ev.”

Evan looks up at him wearily. 

And Connor considers him for a moment. His eyebrows wrinkle together and he reaches a hand out like he’s going to put it on Evan’s knee, but then—

“Is touch okay?”

Evan’s heart stings. 

“Yeah, you— um— you can, yeah,” Evan says quietly, voice scratchy. 

And Connor’s hand hovers over his knee for another second but then it’s gone completely and Connor’s scooting forward on the bed, closer to Evan. He uses the back of his knuckles to gently caress Evan’s temple. 

“The fuck’s going on in there?” 

And Evan almost crumples because Connor’s just. Being so gentle with him and doing dumb loving shit like _ caressing him _and Evan just doesn’t deserve him. 

He squeezes his eyes shut, leaning into Connor’s touch. “Stuff.”

“_Stuff_,” Connor says back at him. “Uh-huh. Care to elaborate?”

Evan peeks an eye open when he doesn’t feel the presence of Connor’s hand on his cheek and Connor’s sitting back now, crossing his arms. “Um... not— not particularly, no— I mean, I was _ gonna— _ but then— I just can’t _ say _ it,” Evan says with a frustrated groan, burying his head in his hands. 

“Alright. Okay. Is it, um… is it a sex thing?”

Evan pauses for a second. “No.” He swallows. “Yes.”

“Okay. Does it involve me?”

Evan scoffs. “Of course it does.”

Connor looks just a little bit smug. “Okay, cool.”

And Evan has to laugh, resting his hands on his thighs. “Oh, that’s all you have to say?”

“Yup. Just needed an ego boost, y’know?”

“Oh fuck _ off_,” Evan laughs, punching Connor in the arm. “It’s… yeah. It’s. Hm.”

And Evan’s getting red now because Connor’s smiling this infectious smile and he also looks like he’s kind of about to jump Evan even though he’s actually ruined everything and he’s got his knees hugged to his chest and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t look the least bit attractive right now. 

“Hm?” 

“Hm.”

Silence. 

Connor lets out a giant sigh. “Okay. Here’s the deal. You don’t have to tell me what’s on your mind, okay? I’m not gonna be mad or whatever. But I do have a favor to ask of you.”

Evan raises an eyebrow, suspicious. “Alright.”

“Can I _ please _ suck your brain out through your dick so you’ll stop thinking so fucking much?”

It takes a second for the words to register, but when they do it’s like all he can do is let out this breathy little squeak and watch as Connor’s fingers trail down his legs. 

“Well?”

“_Um_,” Evan says too loudly, making Connor stifle a chuckle, “Yeah, I mean, uh— you could. We could. You.”

“Yes?”

“Yes. _ Please_.”

And then both of Connor’s hands are on Evan’s knees, sliding toward his inner thighs. 

“So polite,” Connor mumbles, splaying his hands out across Evan’s thighs to cover more ground. He pushes Evan’s legs apart and it’s honest to god one of the hottest things Connor’s ever done, shoving at Evan’s chest until he’s laying down flat on his back with his knees bent and his toes curling into the blanket underneath him. 

And then Connor’s sneaking his hands underneath Evan’s legs to wrap around and steady his hips, fingers digging into the skin as he pulls Evan’s body closer to him. He presses a kiss to the soft skin of Evan’s inner thigh, grazing it with his cheek before making a complete 180 and mouthing at Evan through his boxer briefs. 

“Fuck, oh my _ god_,” Evan exhales, and he actually fucking _ feels _ the vibrations when Connor laughs against him. His eyes roll back in his head and he grasps at the sheets below him. “You can’t— you can’t just _ do _ that.”

Connor blinks up at him, which is pretty enough, but then he makes this _ hmm? _ sound and Evan feels that too and then he can’t keep his head up anymore, he has to drop it back against the pillow and screw his eyes shut because he’s actually going to lose it if he gets another glimpse of Connor’s face. 

He feels every movement of Connor’s lips, every swipe of his tongue, every nudge of his nose, every _ single _ small noise that escapes him probably without his knowledge and when he finally moves his hands to nestle in Connor’s hair Connor’s fingers slip underneath the waistband of his boxers. There’s a moment of _ cold _ and then extreme warmth, Connor’s tongue is fucking hot against him and he’s squirming now, fighting the urge to just fuck into Connor’s mouth. Evan’s hands tighten in Connor’s hair and he moans again, those delicious vibrations pushing him closer and closer to the edge until he’s almost teetering. 

“_Connor_,” Evan mumbles, tries to warn him, pulling hard on Connor’s hair. But he just groans against Evan’s dick and doubles down in response and Evan grunts as he physically has to pull Connor’s mouth off of his dick. 

And the sight of Evan’s hands holding Connor by the hair, his mouth open and lips red and slick with spit and his eyes hooded the way they are makes Evan’s dick twitch. 

“_Fuck_,” Connor says in between breaths, “You okay?”

“Um,” Evan gasps out, “I, um. I’m. I want.”

Connor’s eyes glint with something sneaky. He tilts his head to the side. And the thing is, Evan can still feel Connor’s breath. He’s panting and the heat from that is just making him even more dizzy, he can’t fucking _ focus _ with Connor on him like this. 

“Yeah?” Connor prompts him, trailing his fingers across Evan’s hips. That also doesn’t help. Evan drops his hands, laying back all the way and covering his face. 

“I don’t want to— not— it’s just that— I just don’t wanna. Y’know. Um. _ Finish… _ this. Yet. And I was about to. But I don’t…”

And Evan feels Connor climbing on top of him, settling on his hips and letting his hands rest on Evan’s arms. “Why not?” 

The words hang heavy in the air. 

And Evan’s conflicted. This is Connor, after all. It’s not like Connor’s going to break up with him because of this. In fact, he’ll probably… he’ll probably say _ yes_. He’ll probably be _ excited _ about it. Just as much as Evan is. 

Which is kind of scarier. 

Connor pries Evan’s hands from his face. His voice softens, choosing his next words carefully. “Ev, you don’t have to tell me. I was just teasing, really—“

“I want,” Evan starts, but then he stops. He’s got Connor’s full attention, eyebrows raised, hands tensed on Evan’s. He feels his face redden. “_I’d _ like to, if you don’t want— you don’t have to say yes— but I was thinking…”

Connor licks his lips. 

“We could… if… if it’s something you’d want, we could, um—“

“I wanna have sex,” Connor blurts out on a breath, like it’s been on the tip of his tongue. Like it’s something he’s been wanting to say, been wanting to ask, but he’s been too nervous. Too afraid that Evan would say no. 

“Um.”

Evan can’t catch his breath. 

“Like, I dunno if that’s what you were thinking, but, like… fuck. It’s all I’ve been thinking about lately.”

“You… you actually...?”

“Yeah,” Connor says on an exhale. He seems to take in Evan’s expression then, though, because he puts up walls the second he realizes they’re down. “But if you’re not comfortable with that I get it, like. It’s a lot. So.”

“_No_, no, it’s not— I’m— I was going to ask—“ Evan breaks off the sentence in a sigh, shaking his head and recollecting his thoughts. He gathers Connor’s hands in his. “_Yes_. I… also want to have sex with you.”

Connor licks his lips. 

“_Fuck, _” He says in disbelief. 

“Same,” Evan laughs awkwardly, avoiding his eyes. 

They’re just sitting there. 

“Uh— so—“

“Yeah,” Evan manages to say, biting down on his lower lip. “You should… tell me, um. What you’ve been thinking about. Y’know, since it’s all you’ve been able to— to think about.”

Connor blinks at him, raising an eyebrow. 

“It was just a little vague is all I’m saying.”

Connor’s ears are red. He purses his lips in embarrassment. “Well,” He says with fake confidence, leaning forward so they’re nose to nose, “If you must know… before I came over, I, uh. Took a shower.”

Evan almost laughs, nudging Connor’s lips with his own. “I know. You smell good.”

And Evan can’t help but steal a kiss when Connor grins, putting both hands on the back of his neck. 

“But, like… I _ showered_,” Connor says, pulling back, eyes widening on the last word for emphasis. “Because I knew I was coming over.”

“So… you washed your hair to impress my mom, or something?” Evan asks, struggling to hold back laughter as he combs through the downy hairs falling out of the bun on the back of Connor’s head. 

“You can’t be serious. You’re not _ that _ innocent.”

“Connor, you _ know _ my mom has seen you with greasy hair before. She wouldn’t mind. You didn’t have to go to— to all that trouble just to impress her, like— she already likes you.”

By now, Connor’s caught on. He rolls his eyes, pressing another kiss to Evan’s mouth. “I can’t believe you.”

“What? I just— I wanna know what you did in that shower that makes it so special.”

Connor shuts his eyes for a second. “Okay, fine. How about this: I took a really long shower, cleaned my entire body, fucked myself open with my fingers, and probably racked up a giant fucking water bill that my parents are going to give me hell about.”

Evans mouth falls open and he quickly shuts it, blinking rapidly and catching Connor’s contagious smile. “I, um— could you— could you rewind to that one part—“

Connor brings his eyebrows together in mock-confusion. “I took a really long shower?”

“No, um. The other part.”

“I… cleaned my _ entire _ body?”

“No no, the— the other one.”

“_Ohhh_,” Connor says, drawn out. Their noses are touching and Connor’s looking right through him. “Right. The part where I fucked myself open with my fingers?”

Evan swallows. When he talks, his voice is just a little bit higher than usual. “Yep. That part.”

“What about it?” Connor asks him, leaning back and tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. Evan can’t help but notice that literally everything about Connor is pretty; in particular, he thinks Connor’s got really nice hands. They’re long and slender just like the rest of him, pale skin turning pink around his knuckles, and the black nail polish somehow makes them look even more delicate and beautiful. 

It hits Evan with a wave of dizzying realization that the fingers he’s staring at were _ in Connor _like, probably only over two hours ago. 

And, like. In less than two hours time, Evan’s going to have swam those same waters. 

“Fuck,” Evan says quietly, breathless. “Um. Could you— could you, like. Elaborate on that at all, or…?”

Evan slides his hands into Connor’s hair. 

“I feel like it’s pretty self-explanatory.”

Evan sighs, exasperated, running his hands down Connor’s back. “Yeah, but like. Everyone does it differently, so.”

Evan gasps when Connor’s hands appear on his stomach. Connor pushes them upward, quirking an eyebrow. “So you wanna hear how _ I _ do it?”

“Yep. Very much so, yeah. For, um. For research purposes.”

Connor grins. “Okay.” He leans down, running his hands over Evan’s chest and his sides and hip bones. Evan tries not to gasp when Connor kisses the side of his mouth, and then his cheek, and then his jaw. “First, I warm myself up a little. Y’know. _ Touch myself_, or whatever.”

“Mmhmm,” Evan hums as Connor plants a kiss under his ear. 

“Thinking about you helps,” Connor says casually, and Evan sucks in a breath when he feels his dick twitch yet again. He lets out a too-loud sigh. 

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mmmhmmm,” Connor laughs, and Evan can feel the rumble in his chest when he does. “Sometimes… I think about if you were in the shower with me.”

“Go on,” Evan squeaks out. 

Connor laughs again, burying his head in Evan’s neck. He pauses his movements across Evan’s torso. “Are you taking notes?”

Evan laughs through a sudden burst of air out of his nose. “Yeah, um.” He pauses to swallow. “Totally. Diligently, really.” 

Evan can feel Connor’s smile. “Good.”

A pause. 

“And, like… I think about if it were your fingers instead of mine. Just so you know.”

Fuck. _ Fuck_. 

“Interesting,” Evan says, voice cracking, and Connor cackles against his collarbone. His fingers trail down Evan’s stomach, and Evan tenses every single muscle in his body so he doesn’t buck up against Connor where he’s sitting on Evan’s hips. 

“Sometimes… sometimes I think about if it were your dick instead of my fingers, honestly, and that gets the job done most of the time,” Connor says, and. Evan’s hands fly to rest on Connor’s waist and he lets himself roll his hips up just once, fingers brushing up Connor’s body and tangling at the roots of his hair to bring their lips together. 

“Fuck,” Evan spits out when they part momentarily. “You really think about that?”

Connor scoffs at him. He leans in to plant a long, languid kiss on Evan’s mouth. “Oh my god, _ yeah_. Duh.” Connor stops to laugh. “At, like, the worst times too.”

“Oh?”

Connor bites his lip. “One time, uh… the five of us were hanging out, right? And I think Jared was being fucking stupid and trying to figure out who tops…” He trails off in laughter, running a hand through Evan’s hair. “And I just… remember having to leave and go to the bathroom because it was… too much mental imagery.”

Evan’s substantially red and he can’t keep this big stupid grin off his face as he pecks Connor’s lips. “The other day you sent me a Snapchat during class, and— and I think it was just of you in class or something, but. But you just looked so— yeah. I was, um. Pretty distracted the rest of the day.”

“In the shower earlier I couldn’t stop thinking about the sounds you make,” Connor says suddenly, ducking his head down to kiss Evan’s neck again. “_Fuck_. Like— that one sound you make when I suck you off—“

“_Connor_,” Evan groans, eyes rolling back when Connor grinds down against him. 

“Exactly.”

Evan lets out a mixture of a laugh and a breathless moan. “Fuck. Wanna touch you,” Evan begs, tucking his fingers under the elastic of Connor’s boxers. 

“God, _ please_,” Connor laughs, and this is something Evan’s used to. This is something he can do, and something he can do _ right_. And based on the way Connor throws his head back and pushes up into Evan’s hand, he’s kind of good at it at this point. He’ll give himself that. 

“You are— so pretty,” Evan breathes, and Connor’s eyes flash dark when he opens them again, letting his hair fall in his face. 

“Can I— _ ah, fuck _yes, like _ that— _ can I ask you something?”

Evan bites hard on his bottom lip. There’s absolutely no way he can speak right now without letting out some sort of embarrassing noise, so he just nods. 

Connor’s eyes roll back in his head for a second on one of Evan’s slower strokes upward. He fixates his hooded gaze on Evan. “Can I ride you? Like— if that’s okay.”

Evan lets his eyes close, taking in a measured breath. Connor lets out a breathless laugh from somewhere above him. “Fuck, Connor. Are you even— are you even _ real_?”

Connor’s hands land flat on Evan’s chest. “I’m real,” He says, amused. He’s closer when he speaks next, breath hitting Evan’s face. “And I _ real_ly wanna ride you.”

“God, I mean— fuck. Yes. You— yes. _ God_. Please.”

“It’s—“ Connor sucks in a breath and bites back a whine when Evan flicks his wrist on the upstroke. “_Fuck_. It’s— it should be easier, y’know, since this is your first time, and it gives me a little more control, um, since I’ve— got a little more experience—“

Connor’s full-on struggling to form sentences right now, and Evan leans up to kiss him because he just can’t believe this is happening and Connor’s just so fucking amazing, and he’s even cuter when Evan’s hand on his dick. 

“— and I hope you don’t mind that I’m bottoming this time, I just— I figured, y’know, it would be easier if I did most of the work, since—“

“It’s— it’s _ fine_, Connor, it’s perfect,” Evan breathes into Connor’s mouth, laughing, and at that point Connor seems to realize that he’s rambling, because he looks down and lets out a breathless laugh. 

“Fuck. Sorry.”

“No, don’t— I just—“ Evan gives him a sly smile. “Are you more nervous than me?”

“Shut it,” Connor laughs, pressing forward into Evan’s fist and groaning against Evan’s mouth. “I want it— _ mmm— _ I want it to be good for you,” He says, sliding his hands up Evan’s neck. 

“Fuck, Connor— everything we do is good, so I doubt this will be any different.”

“Yeah,” Connor agrees halfheartedly, panting. “Hey, um. Evan.”

“Yeah?”

“You need to— fffff_fuck— _ you gotta stop, or it’s— I’m—“

Evan releases his hold on Connor’s dick, huffing a laugh against Connor’s lips when he whimpers at the loss of sensation. 

“Don’t even comment,” Connor warns him, sitting up. Evan can tell that Connor can feel how hard he is, sitting there like that on his lap, and, like. 

“Um…”

There’s something he’s not so sure of, yet. 

Connor notices, of course, that Evan’s got a question bouncing around in his head. 

“What?” Evan shivers when Connor cards his fingers through Evan’s hair. 

“Do you have any, uh— are you good if I fin— if I finger you, should I—?” Evan feels so stupid saying it out loud, but—

Connor’s eyes darken. His gaze flickers from Evan’s eyes to his mouth, and he licks his lips. 

“_Fuck_.”

And then he’s leaning down to kiss Evan again, reaching clumsily for the bedside table and sliding forward on Evan’s lap, and at that point Evan’s lost all sight of what Connor’s doing with his hands, lost in the sensation of Connor rolling his hips downward against Evan. 

“_Mmf— _ Connor—“ 

As much as Evan wants to just grind against Connor like this until he comes, he also wants to get this fucking show on the road because Connor’s making the most delicious noises and if Evan doesn’t get his dick in something in the next ten minutes he’s pretty sure he’s gonna die. 

“_Connor_—“ Connor kisses him hard one last time before allowing him to pull back. “I’ve never… _ y’know_. Done this… to— to someone else. So I don’t… I don’t really know what to do,” Evan admits. 

Connor bites his lip, nods. “Okay. That’s okay. I’ll… I’ll show you,” Connor suggests.

Evan gulps. His voice comes out wobbly. “Yeah, okay.”

And so Connor slides off of his lap, motioning for Evan to sit up. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” Connor asks him, eyes searching. When Evan finally manages to sit up, he leans over and plants a gentle kiss on Connor’s mouth. 

“Duh,” Evan exhales, and Connor laughs. “I’ve, um… don’t laugh, but this has always been, like— one of my go-to… fantasies. I guess.”

And Connor does laugh, just once. “No way.” He winds his arms around Evan’s neck. 

“Um, _ yes _ way. Like— imagining you, um…” Evan clears his throat. “Like _ that— _it’s. It’s up there when it comes to… masturbation fuel.”

Connor laughs again, incredulous. His ears are a rosy pink, almost red, and he shakes his head. “I can’t believe you. You’re unreal.”

“Well— you are too, so I guess that means this is all fake.”

“Guess so.”

Connor cocks an eyebrow at him. 

“You ready?”

Evan’s never been more sure of anything in his life. He nods quickly, and Connor bites back a smile. 

He presses a small bottle of lube into one of Evan’s hands, and— when the fuck did Connor get that?— but then he’s leaning back against the pillows with a smile, shimmying out of his underwear, and looking at Evan with the most trusting eyes in the entire world. 

He can’t take his eyes off of him, laying there in the pale light. 

He’s _ perfect_. 

“Okay…” Connor says breathlessly, wrenching the lube out of Evan’s frozen hand and squirting some onto Evan’s fingers, “Don’t just… y’know, shove it in there—“

“God, Connor— I know that much,” Evan laughs, cheeks reddening, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ve— you know I’ve done this to myself, right—?”

“Just making sure. _ Anyway_,” Connor says loudly, grinning widely, grabbing Evan’s hand and pulling it between his legs, which he spreads around him as he gets comfortable and Evan feels his dick throb just at the sight. “Um… just, like... tease me a little first.”

Connor’s face is as red as his ears now, and he averts his eyes. 

He’s _ nervous_. 

Evan nods, taking a deep breath before he takes his lubed finger and swirls it around Connor’s entrance. His eyes snap to Connor’s when he sucks in a breath. 

“Okay?” Evan asks, pausing. 

Connor nods at him to keep going and he does, even though he’s shaking like crazy, teasing the tip of his finger just slightly inside him just to hear that sharp intake of breath— something that even he’s surprised by. And then Connor starts getting antsy, bucking his hips up to search for friction that isn’t there. 

“You can— _ fuck_— just one, not fast,” Connor pants, desperate eyes meeting Evan’s. 

“Okay,” Evan breathes, and when his finger slips past the ring of muscle and Connor’s hands grip into the sheets beside him and he grunts in the back of his throat, Evan isn’t sure if he’s hurt him or not. “Did I— oh god, are you okay?”

“I’m—“ Connor sucks in a breath, scrunches his eyes closed. “Fuck. I’m okay. Just… takes a second. Keep— going, please.”

All Evan can do is nod, breathless, pushing in a little further until he feels Connor clench around him. He starts moving his finger around, and when Connor’s thigh starts shaking Evan places a hand against it and after a moment Connor relaxes, all the breath leaving him at once. 

“You can— you can add another,” Connor slurs, face pressed into the pillow beside him. And so Evan does, he eases his finger out and adds the next one in beside it, and once Connor’s adjusted to the intrusion he adds another. And it sounds fucking dumb but he’s honestly so enamored watching his fingers disappear inside Connor and hearing the sweet little noises he makes when Evan bends them, and it’s endearing how Connor grips the sheets with trembling arms and how he’s so worked up already. 

It’s even better than he had imagined. 

He’s got his head tipped back, and every once in a while he’ll bring his hand up to his mouth and bite down on his knuckles, forehead creasing and his eyes closing and his mouth hanging open. And Evan can tell when he does something good, because Connor’s leg will twitch and raise up into the air, just a little bit, and when he relaxes he sort of slumps down against the mattress, and it’s just. Incredible, watching Connor fall apart like this. 

Connor’s hair falls in front of one of his eyes and Evan can’t help but sigh. 

“God, you’re cute,” Evan says like he’s watching Connor eat a cupcake or push hair behind his ear or something instead of watching Connor take three of Evan’s fingers up his ass. 

Connor scoffs as much as he can, and it comes out as a sort of huff and groan mixture, but he smiles anyway. “Fuck _ off_— oh my _ god_,” Connor gasps, hips shooting off the bed and hands moving to grip at his thighs. “_Fuck_, right there, oh my god, _ Evan_…”

So Evan prods the area that gave Connor that reaction again, leaning forward to watch every bead of sweat dripping down his forehead and drink up every single sound that comes from Connor’s throat. Connor’s cock is red and leaking and pressing against his tummy and Evan has an initial thought to take it into his mouth, to just make Connor come right there, but…

“I’m ready,” Connor rasps, one of his hands shooting out to grasp at Evan’s wrist. “Evan. I’m ready. Please.”

“Are you— are you sure?” Evan asks him, and Connor breathes out, smiling and death-glaring him at the same time.

“_Yes_,” He says, voice straining, and Evan’s heart rate kicks up all of a sudden because he just can’t look away from the sweat sticking Connor’s hair to his forehead, and the way his eyes sparkle, and his fucking dimples, and. 

And apparently Evan’s staring at him for too long then, because Connor raises an eyebrow at him. “Ev. You can, um…”

“Right! Right. I’m sorry,” Evan breathes, rushing to carefully slide his fingers out. And Connor grunts when he does, curling his toes. 

“That always feels so fuckin’ weird,” Connor says, and Evan laughs. 

“Agreed,” He says quietly, sitting back on his heels. 

“C’mere,” Connor murmurs once he’s sat up, bringing Evan in with one hand cupping his jaw. And then Connor’s kissing him gently, thumb stroking across his cheekbone, and Evan’s never felt more loved. 

“Lay here,” Connor tells him, and he moves over so Evan can take his place, lying back against the pillows, tugging off his underwear, and doing his best to keep steady eye contact with Connor. “You can always back out.”

“I know,” Evan says with confidence. 

“Even if you’re, like— _ in _ me. And you decide you want out. Like… you can tell me.”

“I know,” Evan says with a little more conviction. 

“Like— even if you decide you don’t like the position, or, like, anything I’m doing, you can tell me and I’ll stop.”

“_I know_.”

“And you’re probably not gonna last long. But you shouldn’t feel bad, okay? I’m probably not gonna last long either.”

“Connor, I—”

“And—“

“Connor, I _ know_,” Evan says, grabbing his hands. “Hey. Stop worrying about me. I’m— this is gonna be fucking great,” Evan laughs breathlessly, “And— and I’ll tell you if anything feels bad, or, or off, or anything like that. And you should, too.”

Connor looks at him. Breathes out.

“Okay. Yeah. Okay.”

“It’s gonna be _ good_,” Evan reassures him. “Fuck, I can’t imagine that it wouldn’t be.”

Connor smirks at him, rolls his eyes. “Shut up.”

“No, seriously. Don’t— don’t get so caught up in making sure that _ I’m _ okay and forget to, like… enjoy it yourself,” Evan tells him, and it’s kind of weird being the reassure-er instead of the reassure-ee for once. Like, in his head he’s freaking the hell out, but seeing _ Connor _ anxious is just downright unsettling. 

“I know, I just…” Connor sighs. “I _ really _ want you to enjoy it. Like… I don’t wanna fuck it up. I don’t wanna be the guy that, like… pressures you into anything or does anything you don’t like, and then, like… ruins your first time. You know?”

Oh. 

Evan had never thought about it like that. 

Like… Connor’s about to take his virginity. 

Which is a weird thought. 

And also an archaic concept, but Evan doesn’t dwell on that. 

“You won’t ruin it, though,” Evan tells him. “I know you won’t.”

Evan can practically hear the _ you don’t know that for sure _ at the tip of Connor’s tongue. But Connor just purses his lips, rolling his eyes. “Okay.”

“You _ won’t_,” Evan says again, smiling at him. He pulls him closer until Connor’s leaning over him, pressing a soft kiss to Evan’s mouth. “And… I wanna make you feel good, too. So.”

Connor hums, letting their kiss go on a little longer this time. “Okay.”

Neither of them speak for a moment, they just take in their surroundings. Evan can hear Connor breathing, little trembling breaths that warm Evan’s heart to its deepest cavity, and the trust he sees when he looks into Connor’s eyes is enough to make him feel dizzy. 

It doesn’t take long for Connor to roll a condom over him— although he does take a moment to run his hand up and down Evan’s length ‘for good measure’, which leaves Evan feeling weak at the knees— and then he’s swinging a leg over Evan’s hips, hesitating there. Evan’s hands land softly on Connor’s waist. 

“So,” Connor says, feigning casualty. He grabs Evan’s hands, looking down and examining Evan’s fingers. 

“So,” Evan says back, equally as jittery. He squeezes Connor’s hands, earning a small quirk at the side of Connor’s mouth. “Um.”

“Yeah,” Connor says softly. 

“Do you wanna…”

Connor gives him a pointed look. “Are you ready for me to…?”

“_Yeah_, I mean— _ god_,” Evan laughs, and Connor dips down to kiss him one last time. “Duh.”

“Alright, then.” And then Connor’s leaning back, shifting forward on his knees a bit, and reaching behind him. He licks his lips, making eye contact with Evan. 

And Evan nods. 

And then Connor’s relaxing his shoulders, taking hold of Evan’s dick and lining up. 

“Okay,” Connor exhales, and then he slowly lowers himself down. 

And, like. 

Evan’s never felt anything like this in his _ life _. 

Like, getting off is one thing. And Connor getting him off is another, by a long shot, and Connor _ sucking _ him off is another all together— but this… the all-encompassing heat of Connor sinking down on his dick, eyes shut tight and thighs shaking, propping himself up on Evan’s chest— it’s unreal. He can feel his _ heartbeat _ throbbing in his _ dick_. And Evan whimpers in the back of his throat as Connor gets more comfortable, testing the waters and sinking down just a little more. 

Connor hisses in pain when Evan’s hips automatically jut upward just a bit, and Evan’s quick to apologize. 

“Fuck, I’m— I’m sorry, I just… _ fuck_,” He spits out, grasping Connor’s waist with shaking hands. “I’m sorry. Oh my god.”

“It’s okay,” Connor rasps, voice straining. “Just— can you, like—“ Connor covers one of Evan’s hands with his own, threading their fingers together and slowly sliding their joined hands downward until the tip of Connor’s dick is being pressed into Evan’s palm. 

“_Oh— _ yeah, yeah, I can…”

And so he takes Connor into his hand, reveling in the shiver that rolls through Connor’s body when he starts pumping his hand up and down, and then Connor drops his head down and lets his hair hang in his face, laughing breathlessly when Evan pushes it back with his free hand. 

“You okay?”

Connor nods, licking his lips, eyes still closed. “I’m… I’m good. I’m good. Just, uh…”

“Takes a second,” Evan says, offering Connor a small smile. 

And Connor laughs again, short and abrupt. “Yeah. But, um…”

And Evan doesn’t really get to question him before Connor’s hips make the slightest movement forward, and then Connor is fully seated on Evan’s dick. 

“There,” Connor sighs, eyes rolling back and eventually shutting when Evan runs his thumb over the tip of Connor’s dick. “God, you’re good with your hands. Fuck.”

“And— and you’re good with your, um…”

Connor looks up at him through his lashes. “Ass?”

And then it’s Evan’s turn to bark a laugh, tilting his head back and covering his eyes. “Yeah. I guess so.”

Evan can feel Connor shift on top of him, and when he uncovers his eyes Connor’s right there, leaning over him and bracing himself with two hands pressed to each side of Evan’s head. He tilts his head to the side and his eyes are soft and kind. 

“How are you? Hanging in there?”

Evan gives him a strained smile. “Barely.”

“Give me, like— sixty seconds, tops. Then I’ll be good.”

“No no, take your time,” Evan insists, even though he wants nothing more than to fuck upward into Connor and get this show on the road. 

And then Connor inhales sharply when Evan repeats the motion with his thumb, and locks dark eyes on Evan’s. 

“Keep touching me like that and I’ll be ready in thirty.”

Evan can’t do anything but laugh breathlessly, bumping foreheads with Connor and focusing on the sound of his breathing and the way his skin feels on Evan’s. 

He gasps embarrassingly loud when Connor gives a little experimental twitch of his hips. 

Evan leans back to look up at him, and Connor gives him a wicked smile. 

“Told you.”

And then he’s pushing back up, palms flat on Evan’s chest, and sitting so Evan can see the long column of his neck and his chest rising and falling and he can see his hand on Connor’s dick and then Connor does this incredible thing where he rises up onto his knees just a little bit, and then he falls back down just as easily and it’s got Evan seeing fucking stars. 

He grips Connor’s waist so hard he’s afraid he might leave bruises. 

“Oh my _god—_ _Connor—_“

“_Fuck_, you feel so good,” Connor breathes, and then he rises up and falls back down just like before, the next time rocking his hips forward and that just creates a whole new sensation, sending pulses of heat throughout Evan’s entire body, making it so he has to flex his fingers against Connor’s waist because he just cant stay still anymore. 

“Evan,” Connor says softly. 

Evan whimpers in response. 

“_Evan_,” Connor says with more conviction, and then Evan opens his eyes and Connor’s looking at him like it’s taking a whole lot of effort to stay focused, hooded eyes glazed over with lust. “You can move with me. It’s okay.”

“I— I don’t wanna do it wrong—“

“_Move_,” Connor tells him, “You won’t.”

And so Evan gives a hesitant little experimental thrust, looking up at Connor to see the verdict, and. 

“_Fuck_, Evan, do that again.”

“That was okay?” Evan asks, not even sure if his words are audible at this point because it’s more breathing than anything else. 

“_Yes_, god— just do what feels good,” Connor exhales, biting into his bottom lip. “Stop thinking.”

Stop thinking. Evan can do that. 

So he slides both of his hands down to rest at Connor’s sharp hip bones, taking a deep breath and exhaling all forms of anxiety and worry and inhibition when he rolls his hips upward and Connor cries out, falling forward to rest his forehead against Evan’s again. 

“_ Just _ like that, fuck, _ Evan _.”

And he does it again, and again, and then he’s reaching around to grab Connor’s ass and pull him forward as Evan thrusts up, because that’s what feels good, it feels so fucking good, and Connor’s moaning right in his ear and Evan’s self-control is fading, and it’s fading fast. 

“Connor, I’m— _ mmmfuck— _“

“Do it,” Connor groans, and then Evan’s head falls to rest on Connor’s shoulder, buried in his neck, and he’s coming hard, like, harder than he’s ever come before, and he just barely registers Connor’s hand falling between his own legs because all he can feel is stars exploding under his skin and _ heat_, warmth. He mouths hungrily at Connor’s neck, dragging his nails down Connor’s back, stilling when he feels Connor tightening around him, and somehow he feels like he’s _ still _ coming, because Connor’s still working him over and over and Evan’s voice feels hoarse when he finally stops. 

For a while, the only thing he can hear is the combination of his and Connor’s labored breathing. His arms are wrapped limply around Connor’s back. His limbs feel like jelly. 

And, much to Connor’s and Evan’s collective surprise, the first thing that comes out of Evan’s mouth when they’ve both started to breathe normally is, “I’m sorry.”

The second it comes out of his mouth, Evan feels Connor’s shoulders start to shake. 

And then Connor’s lifting himself up on shaky arms, leaning back to look Evan in the eye. He’s laughing. 

“You just gave me… the best first-time sex I’ve ever had,” Connor starts, shaking his head, “and you’re— fucking _ apologizing_?”

Evan sputters. “Well— I— I just—“

“For _ what_?”

Evan purses his lips. “I… I came, like, really fast.”

Connor blows air out through his mouth, rolls his eyes. “I _ told _ you that would happen. And I did too, genius.” Connor presses their foreheads together gently. “Ev. That was… so good, it was insane.”

Evan’s lips curl into a smile. “Yeah. It… it was pretty fucking good.”

Connor hums in agreement, tilting his chin forward to press his lips to Evan’s. And when Evan opens his mouth just a little, kissing Connor back with growing enthusiasm, Connor nips at his bottom lip. 

“You’re good at sex.”

And then Evan pushes at his shoulder, laughing and crossing his arms across his chest. “Shut up, oh my god.”

“You _ are_,” Connor says, leaning down to plant a wet kiss on Evan’s forehead. “My boyfriend is really fucking good at sex.”

Evan covers his eyes again as Connor slides off of his lap, grunting when he’s all the way off. 

_Boyfriend_.

“I’m never having sex with you again.”

Connor taps his thigh and Evan lazily opens his eyes, Connor gesturing to the condom that’s still on his dick, which. Right. And so he carefully peels it off, wincing at the sensitivity, ties it off, and drops it into the trash can text to the bed. Connor crawls up to Evan, flopping down next to him and throwing a warm arm over Evan’s stomach, his sweaty forehead against Evan’s chest. 

“Yeah, whatever. You’ll be ready for round two in half an hour, max.”

“You wish,” Evan rasps, clearing his throat and covering his mouth when a yawn hits him seemingly out of nowhere. “Fuck. That was, like… an exercise.”

Connor laughs lazily against his chest, fighting off a yawn himself. “You’re not wrong. My fuckin’ thighs burn.”

“You did all the work.”

“Again, you’re not wrong.”

As the sweat starts to cool on his skin, Evan shivers. He pulls the covers up and around the both of them, sighing when Connor cuddles closer into his side. 

“Nap time?” Evan asks, letting his eyes slip closed. 

Connor chuckles, running a thumb over Evan’s cheekbone. “Such a boy.” His voice is soft and soothing, almost crackly at overuse, and Evan can hear the _ I love you _ laced between the words. 

Connor drops his hand to rest on the side of Evan’s neck. “Night.”

Evan breathes a long breath out, wrapping his arms around Connor. A content smile tugs at the corners of his mouth, sleep already beginning to pull him under. 

“Night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (y'all ever find out alex isn't going to be playing connor anymore and then buy spontaneous tickets to DEH on broadway the day after...? no? just me?)


End file.
